Infinity Is The Time…..Till Then, You Are Mine

You are my sunshine. I pursue you in the darkest juncture of my being. You are the moonlight, soaking me in your coolness each time the angst within tends to soar.

You are my anchor. I cling to you when gloomy waves endeavor washing my existence. You are my strength and shield. You guard me from my own fragility.

You are my friend. I bare my heart and soul unto you, often when I stumble on unconventional paths. You are my guide. I rely on you through the concealed lanes with nothing to loose but myself. 

You are the author, I can open up to in symphony. Like that open book, giving away each and every nuance. You are my poetry. I recite with my open wounds with the desire to alleviate.

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You are the ocean. I wish to awash, extending far down, into your depths, sail across borders and come back never again. You are the gush of air I urge for, in my every breath. I am revived as you sweep across.

You are my story. I love to narrate day to day, with great passion and zeal. You are my muse, in all forms of my art. Every curve of my sketch, every verse of my poem, every composition of my clicks, every stroke of my brush, seek you as the catalyst.

You are the fire. I draw close to you like a moth, only to be burned till infinity. You are the ice. My soul freezes within you, only to be melted away into nothingness when spring approaches.

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I drown into despair and you are my dirge. You make my woes strong and deep with every tempest. You are the melody I hum. I unfailingly get into reverie. I relish the oblivion when you are around. 

I am inevitably surrounded by you. Everywhere and anywhere I go. As far as my sight reaches. As long as my heart would beat. As deep as the ocean wraps me. As wide as the clouds appear to be. As close as the horizon seems. Never-ending, as the time should be.  

“You are... My infinity”

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Concoctions - The Best State Of Existence

I crave for company when alone. When surrounded with people, I long for solitude. When there’s no one to talk to, I wish I could pour my heart out. When I have audience, I prefer not sharing my agonies and ecstasies. 

I desire to be loved, selflessly and unconditionally. I dread love, when I am approached. When I am blamed, I am aware of my imperfections. But deep within, I believe in my goodness. When I am ignored, I seek attention. I panic, when I am to monopolize people’s attention. 

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 When content, I wish I could break free. When glum, I stay confined to melancholia. I yearn to travel alone. However, wish to tag buddies along every now and again. When someone expects a lot from me, I feel inept. When no one cares, I confidently strut my adeptness. 

When one treats me with disfavor, I question if I am despicable. But always feel grandee when affairs are the other way around. I am easy to handle, when I am panic-stricken. I am the most difficult to deal with, in my placidity. 

I am on high with each episode of dejection. The graph of my mood swings shoots up each time I near the crater. I pine for my absence in the hearts I wish to stay forever. I grieve my presence in the hearts of whom I would die for.

I am poles apart within my own magnetic field.

I am attracted, yet repulse away. I am loved but feel unloved sporadically. I am nervous and calm at the same time. I am ignored, yet feel well attended. I feel worthy one minute and unworthy as the clock ticks away. I am beautiful, yet feel plain as the pendulum sways. I feel, yet I am unfeigned. I am dark, however, reflect my light concurrently.

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 I am the concoction. I am the cocktail, the treacherous one. Lethal for my own existence. However, I am unique, for I have the prowess to suppress the ogre.

“Opposites Attract”

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At The End Of My Rainbow

I have been running for ages and miles now. I am gasping, struggling to respire. They are clenching me hard by my arm. Not letting me move ahead. It’s dark and cold out here. I am in the middle of nowhere now. I see light at the end of the bay, stare hard, with eyes shut, crafting my options in my head. 

My feet are cold, my head hurts a great deal. I am unable to move forward. I have to reach to the light. Stop impairing me, my heart is bleeding. "This is your only chance", my brain yells at me. Pushing me hard to move ahead. I fall down again. Try to slither away.

Why don’t you go away? Why can’t you leave me alone? I ask the shadows, barring my course. I am drowning with them. In the deep hollow. It is dark and cold out here. I am in the middle of nowhere now. There is no water to swim, no air to imbue within. I break out of their grasp. Sprint, pound, whizz in double time.

I am at the end of the bay, touching the light. The brightness blinds my sight. I was unable to see then, I am unable to see now. The contrast creating ripples in my arteries. My heart racing vigorously, wanting to bounce out of my chest. I listen to the murmur but refuse to open my eyes. 

I seem to have strayed too far to retrieve you. I search for you in my every breath. You are now at the end of the rainbow. You are smiling at me, waiting for me, spreading your arms. I rush towards you. I wish I had wings. I could glide my way then. I am yet to open my eyes though.

I am in your embrace. I feel your warmth. Sheltered and guarded, I open my eyes. You are smiling at me. “Good morning sweetheart!” You greet me, kissing my eyes. I smile back. I see the sun high in the sky. I close my eyes, yet again. “Let’s sleep for some more time” I say.

My soul lost in ecstasy. Serenades. 

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How About Running Away???

Whenever I speak to this friend of mine, she religiously suggests one solution to all my concerns....”Run Away”. Well, I felt like giving it a second thought.

Hence, here I am, expressing my views. And dear reader, since you are here, reading this, I strongly recommend you could either agree or disagree with me, which is absolutely at your own discretion.

Work. Every morning, when I board that 8:42 local, I feel like running away. But, whatsoever, I do drag myself to work (pun intended). I bet many wavelengths would match with mine on this. And by the way, I started off late. I feel like running away right from the moment I wake up. 8:42 is way too late. The whirl begins as soon as my alarm goes off. Followed by those "5 minute" snooze-fest till I finally jump off my bed, realizing I would be late. The very thought of meeting my pretty friends at work (who, like me, think we are all wasting our energies here and belong to a different world altogether), boosts my confidence.

So, I drop my idea of running away and stick to my daily agenda. Home- Work- Home- Sleep. Oh yes! And I do eat as well. And I unquestionably love my work. Like a give and take relationship. Barter is not an option here.

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Mumbai. How shall I address you? "Dear Mumbai", "Mumbai Meri Jaan" or "Aamchi Mumbai"? Whatever I call you, will you shift the paradigm of your seasons for me? Howsoever deep gratitude I show you, will you slow down your pace for me? Whatever amount of anger I vent out, will you keep away the traffic from suffocating me, for once? I certainly feel to spring away from you. But I keep coming back. Such is my love for you. When I am away from you, I miss your heat, I miss your rapid velocity, I miss the traffic. I am so very used to you.

Well, I once again drop my idea of running away and stick by your side. I love rushing with your crowd, I love your heat, I hate your traffic though. But it’s good to have a love-hate relationship with someone.

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Problems. Incalculable they are. Nevertheless, adding to their own list are the assorted shades they come with. Be it financial, personal, professional, love, hate, blah blah blah. Everyone believes theirs is the most prevalent one in the entire milky way. We are never thankful of what we already have. Instead, yearn for what can’t be attained. That creates all the trouble. They come in batches and boy, what effect they have on our grey matter. Stunning. Volcanic. Our brains absolutely stop working at every arrival. That’s exactly when I feel like fleeing for eternity. Wait a minute! But, where do I escape? I cannot stay away from Mumbai. I keep coming back to her.

Strictly, no dodging. Cancel the thought of running away and try solving the problems. That’s what I declare to myself after each batch arrives at my brainstep (I mean doorstep of my brain. I know this is not a word but it is exactly where problems create their nuisance). Zephyr's Mantra- Deal with 'em one at a time.

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People. Last but not at all the least, Here comes the Human! Sniffing Around. What about people? I can go on writing but I have refrained myself to some extent. And, I absolutely respect my rules. We are surrounded by people, every second, every place, every corner, every alley. People of all kinds. I am surrounded by people of all flavors in my life. Some caring, some loving, some crazy, some witty, some silent, some loud, some careless, some responsible, some pretty, some horrible, some cruel, some soft, some selfish, some selfless. Once again, the same feeling. Take flight. Run away till perpetuity. And this time, I don’t feel like coming back. Never is the word. Never is the time. We can run away from some. But not everyone. Moral and social obligations. I have done this in past. And I feel like doing this everyday, off late.

I would not call it running away. I would rather define it as creating distance sufficient enough, that there is no option of bridging the gap if we really do not wish to go back to them. However, every person in our life has an essence of his / her own. We learn something from everyone. Human relations cannot be dumped in minutes or days or even years. One should decide to leave when leaving is the only option left.

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A bit of humanity at the end. Wink. Wink.

Zephyr believes running away should never be an option. To this, I totally agree. Don’t let fear make you shirk. Face the fear in such manner that fear chooses to make the retreat. 



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Forever It Is..........Do You Still?

Remember? The morning I cried my eyes out, you asked not to. It was not viable on your part which I asked you for. You mentioned that love for you only meant Zephyr. And promised you would love me forever. Do you still?

Remember? The night I clung unto you, to fall asleep everlastingly. Without the need to be aware of any interlude. Every gratification trapped within thee souls like one. You wanted to do the same, and your lips whispered, “I want this to be unchanged forever”. Do you still?

Remember? That instant when we spent the twilight, watching the sun burn down to the ebb; I wished to share each dusk of my life sitting alongside you; watching the sun go down. And I wished you to be around at every dawn, I waking by your side. You kissed in conformity. Do you still?

Remember? The day we planned that impromptu vacation. Bailing out of workloads. Those frenzied days when not work but leisure keeps one busy. That one jaunt changed everything for you. You had uttered. You were at your happiest self and the reason for your happiness was Zephyr. You wished to travel every corner of the world with me. Enjoy every voyage with me. Do you still?

Remember? Those festivals we rejoiced together. Those Diwalis, those Holis, those Eids, those Christmases. All my wishes were realized by my love. You never left any stone unturned. Always made sure I get what I wished for. Your silent care, your loud mirth, your subtle love, your unsaid emotions.  I feel them all; every second. Do you still?

Remember? That late night phone call, when you confessed your love. And many more calls that followed through. Your remarks on each and every gesture of mine. All my firsts with you. The first date, the first outing, the first peck, the first kiss, the first hug, the first fight. You wanted to take me away from everyone. Be with me forever. Do you still?

Remember? After those stupid fights. I was always the one to break the ice. And the teary patch ups. You walked along the corridor blabbering and boasting about being different around me. Only me. You would always say that it was impossible for you to remain quiet and calm with anyone else but me. You mentioned; you would never take any nonsense from anyone but me. Do you still?

Remember? The moment you decided to end this all. I was dead silent and you wanted me to speak. I had a straight face and you wanted me to vent it out. I walked away and you asked me to come back. I asked why? You had no answer. Do you still?

I remember it all. All makes me drown into nostalgia. All makes me smile. All makes me sail in the ocean of tears. All makes me love you more. All makes me abhor less. All makes me vulnerable. All makes me tough. All makes me destructive. All makes me inventive. This is all I am left with. 

Is it still Forever? For you?

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I Wish !!!

I wish I had never known you; But I undeniably do

Falling head over heels was precisely not the me

Because that was one thing I always reckoned not to be 

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I wish I had never loved you; But I indeed do

Madly, deeply, insanely, Yes I still do

And forever will; come what may

For this is me and forever will be

The one thing I always reckoned not to be

 

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I wish I had the courage to back out and selfishly slip away with time

Yelp and laugh out loud; as I always wanted to be

But here I am, all alone

Just when I wished and believed; life is all about you and me

You are nowhere near and all left is just me

 

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Why did you go away thus; just the time when I needed you the most

With all the void around; I feel utterly lost

This is not the me coz this was certainly not what I had reckoned to be

I wish…How I truly wish!!! 

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